The End?

Yup, this is my last official class post. I don't know if I'm going to keep up with this blog. I could. I do like the title. But definitely not three times a week. I'm simply not interesting enough for that. And, if I'm blogging so much I'm not out doing things to blog about. I'm definitely taking the rest of December off, though, and then I'll decide whether or not to come back to the blog-o-world. I have considered a Not So Southern blog, all about me--sort of southerner--here in the icy, windy north. My first year in Baltimore was filled with funny mishaps, often because of this cultural gap. The second has been less so, but then I haven't been out and about as much either. Since I don't work and I have inernet at home, I don't spend quite as much time on the streets as I used to do. Not that I was "working the streets" but I walked on them, ran into people, saw many a man peeing in a bus stop, slipped on banana peels, accidentally protested Constellation energy.

My life has gotten entirely too dull in the last six months. Well, maybe I'll continue this blog just to force myself to go out and report on Baltimore and reconnect with my life of mishap.

In the meantime, there are still weevils in the tack, I'll be in the fighting tops for our next engagement, and Quig's been banned from cards until he pays what he owes. Finally, the honorable General Erastus B. Tyler is coming aboard and that's something to look forward too.

Cheers,
LV

After Thursday

When I left the lab today everything was working. When I got home, nothing was. Of course, as it turns out my code just won't work in Internet Explorer. Which I'm great with. It is, according to a friend, working just peachy in Mozilla. So, huzzah!

I'm half through with all three revisions. Well, with two revisions, I can't guess on the fiction piece. There are colostomy bags, frozen babies, and pirate hunters. They make it difficult to guess where everything is going. What's up for when all the fun is done? Buying a winter coat. Finding a part-time job. Reading. So many things I want to read. And a Christmas tree.

But, first, a party for editorial style. That's right. Wine and food at Arthur's house. I'm always a little weirded out by going to professors' houses. Is this just me? Just my own awkwardness with authority? Something left over from elementary school? Am I the only one? (Like Highlander. Good movie. Except for the one, which is not.)

Oh, well, forward to the awkward! (And  maybe a piano.)

Cheers,
LV

Almost

So, despite a week in WV in which I did not have any access to the Creative Suite I am nearly done with my e-pub page. I uploaded everything but one page, which I will complete tomorrow morning. I'm very excited. I asked my FB friends for help, but if anyone out there has the time and wants to user test my site I would appreciate it:

Not-So-Southern Magnetic Cockney

Like it, hate it, see major mistakes? I would appreciate any and all feed back. Just remember, the Fill-in-the-blank page has not been posted to the internet so that link will be dead. Hope all is going well with your projects!

Cheers,
LV

Another Question

During class someone took us to an image site that had government photos, only I can't find it. Can anyone send me that?

The reason for this question is the fail of a group project that I'm working on for my editorial style class. Of three of us, the one who volunteered to design the newsletter failed miserably. I'm curious if any government images might work in my and my other partners attempt to fix the horrible-ness of it all.

We're in graduate school, by now I woul dhave thought everyone I worked iwth in a group would pull their weight. If someone had a conflict I would have thought they'd inform someone so they could pick up the slack.

I'm really infuriated. Frustrated. And I wanted to spend my last night in WV hanging out with my mom. Instead, I'm doing what I can from here to prepare to spend hours in the Design Lab tomorrow. Really fantastic.

Cheers,
LV

Phantom Line

Question: Does anyone know the poem from which "I screamed O City" comes? I think that's the line, it might not be quite right. Because I can't place it. I think I knew at one time, but just now it is gone. I ask because I wrote a poem using this line for a class and now I want/need to know its origin.


Cheers,
LV

Revisioning

The trouble with revising during the semester is that I haven't spent enough time away from my own writing. Really, when I look at it to revise it I feel like I'm getting stuck with someone on the train for 10 hours that has habits that correlate to all of my pet peeves: they scrape their teeth on their fork as they eat, they stretch into my seat, maybe they even smell. It may be that they are nice and interesting and have other fine qualities, but 10 hours on a train ride isn't the likely place to discover them. Nor is three months packed in with the same texts the likely place for me to find something true about them. Good or bad, by the end of the semester I can't tell. It's all junk and I have only more junk to add to it. Next summer I'll look at my writing, and the revisions, and have something useful to say about them. But right now? Right now it's all bollox.

Cheers,
LV

Seriously, America?

In just a few days I'll be flying home. Oh, where is my ship? Where are the days of climbing aboard a wooden vessel and getting some wind in the canvas and eating weevils in the hard tack?

But seriously. I'm concerned. Not just about the body scanners (which I will refuse, if it comes to it) but the aggressive get-a-grope they are calling a pat down. I'm worried that Maryland appears to have some sort of law that states that  no one is allowed to videotape police officers--or someone is interpreting it that way. And apparently Illinois really does. I'm concerned that Oklahoma's amendment stating that all judges would have to adhere only to state and federal law (as opposed to any foreign law) is being challenged. I'm concerned that illegal immigrants can get driver's licenses. I'm concerned that a New Jersey judge upheld a man's right to rape and beat his wife under Sharia law. (Note: It was later overturned in appeals.) And I'm concerned that we want to continue drilling off-shore. I don't know where to begin with the horror. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and furious.

What's happening out there?

Cheers,
LV

All That Jazz

Right now I'm freezing in my mother's study. She keeps the house well under 70 degrees. However, I am also munching on  a sneak preview of tomorrow's turkey. At least, the first. There shall be two at this year's festivities. This does not out-do the year we had three at the same meal. Still, despite the deliciousness I find it hard to concentrate on anything but the possibility of my toes freezing off. If only there were a seal to gut and then live inside.

Did I take it too far? Did I lose you? If it was only a near-thing or you've come back I promise to keep the carnage to a minimum.

Technically I celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday with m'dad and sisters and his wife in Elkins, WV. There was only a single turkey and I was slightly warmer. Today, after we'd eaten breakfast, we got into a debate on politics from Mrs. Palin and President Obama to the Health Care plan, immigration, and body scans. I started the argument on a throw away joke. Silly of me as I am a loner in that house, at least without my boyfriend around. Oh, holidays, what would you be like if I wasn't being attacked by a bunch of rabid hyenas? Even when I agree with them, I still feel under attack.

And yet I prefer this to conversations of the personal variety. A writer in a household with math and science people is, you can imagine, an enigma. I'm constantly under their construction. One day, they believe, I'll be fixed and instead of living surrounded by books I will succumb to numbers and matched furniture and the ability to survive in an office.

Oh, how foolish. How very, very foolish.

I hope your holidays only involve the deaths of those you plan to eat. Not that I'm advocating cannibalism, mind you.

Gobble!
LV

I Don't Have to Use Java!

I discovered APdivs. I discovered a fantastical website that taught me about APdivs. You, the people who will eventually see my website, will be able to drag and drop text wherever ya want. This is going to be a blast. And I will not have to learn Java. Let us all rejoice.

In fact, I don't know if I could have done it. Perhaps if I was actually going to be in town all week, or had access to Dreamweaver, I would have figured it out. But the APdivs are ultimately easier. As for my progress, I've designed the way I want the pages to look, although I need to go back in and fix spacing issues. I've worked out the bugs I encountered with the APdivs and think (hope, pray) that when I get back from West Virginia it will just be a matter of tweaking the pages I've layed out and inputting the APdivs. That shouldn't take more than one long session in the lab, so that I can then user test the site, so that I can then be done for the semester. Right? Of course, right. I hope. I really, really hope.

Cheers,
LV

A short note on the upcoming festivities seemed in order.

I fly to the WV tomorrow! I'm so very excited. There will be two Thanksgivings and one baby shower. (I hope I will not be forced to hug the baby belly as I was the last time I was in. This time it will be ever so much larger.) I'm also hoping for a trip to see one of my very best friends and trips to a couple of my old jobs to visit people. All this while finishing the massive amounts of project homework I still have to do. (As do we all, I know. Crazy semester's end.) It makes me sleepy just thinking about it. Sometimes, I wish I were my cat or my dogs. Then I remember that they lick themselves and throwup hairballs and I realize how nice it is to have hands and use tools. I hope your holiday week is filled with revelations.

Cheers,
LV

I like it, I love it, I want some more of it.

That's right, Christmas is coming and this is my Oprah's Favorite things blog. Only, instead of Oprah, it's Last Victim's Favorite Things. This is general. Perhaps closer to the holiday I'll give links to things I think everyone should have. For now, this isn't a bad start.

1. Socks.
Most people don't think to put this on their lists of favorite things, but socks are the bees knees. Socks keep your feet warm, they help you slide across slick floors, and they can create an electrical charge. Go socks! You can get them so they don't peep out of your shoes, only come up to the ankles, or slide on up to the knee. I prefer mine to be fun: penguins, hearts, stripes, zebras, musical notes. No one sees my socks so I can do what I want with them. Once again: socks rock.

2. Chocolate.
Though I am currently off caffeine, chocolate is always a favorite. The best for winter: hot chocolate and Lindor truffles. Yum.

3. Gilmore Girls.
Boys, don't knock it till ya watched it. I bet you get hooked. If nothing else, enjoy looking at Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel. Personally, watching this show is part of my writing process.

4. Octopi. Octopuses. Octopodes.
'nuff said.

5. Journals.
A new development. What I really like are the drawing journals. I like to write crooked and feel less guilty if horizontal lines aren't marching disapprovingly across the page.

6. Oranges.
They stave off scurvy.

7. Rifling.
Accuracy.

8. Pride and Prejudice.
Book and BBC film version with Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth. If Colin Firth is reading this: I adore you. If Jennifer Ehle is reading this: You are far and away the best Elizabeth.

9. Whisks.
Just say it. It's fun. And handy if you bake.

10. Lumpia.
Eat it. Love it. Then eat it some more.

Cheers,
LV

Faking it.

I gotta learn to fake it.

Pervy. What I mean is that I can't play games, I can't hide what I'm thinking. It's why I insist on doing jobs that I enjoy, that I believe in and working for people I admire. However, at this juncture, what I really want is just a job that I don't hate with people that don't call me and yell at me about my location when I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I bring this up now because I just spent two hours sending out resumes. And I spent most of the last year not exactly loving where I worked. I should have gotten out sooner, but, alas, I was a fool.

My eyebrows always give me away. Perhaps if I shaved them. Or taped them down. Or botoxed them into submission things would be different. Let me know how you fake it. I'll take tips.


Cheers,
LV

Super Villains, Read me!

My final in Editorial Style is a group newsletter. Being a super-geek, I came up with an idea to do a newsletter about super-villains. We've three weeks left, thanks to the holiday. But I think we're making good progress. We've got classifieds (including personals). an article on choosing science or mysticism,  how-tos on picking henchman and making calling cards, and even a gossip column.

I think super-villains the world over will clamor for a copy. I know that if I were planning world domination or just anarchy I'd look to this newsletter.

I even bet you are interested, sinister ones. We're writers. Stability is not our strong suit, but ego, now I hear we have egos similar to super-villains. I mean, in our way we dominate our own little worlds. Of course, that could also be due to social awkwardness, but who cares?

The point: I know my niche market when masked heroes reveal themselves.

Cheers,
LV

Grumpy Old Woman

I'm a grumpy old woman. I want to kick my neighbors who hate my dogs but leave their trash bags sitting in the hallway. I want to bite fathers who yell "No, no, no!" at their kids when they come towards my dogs, even when my dogs are tail wagging while I assure them that the dogs are friendly. Hateful, animal hating city. And if one more dog attacks my dogs, I'm going to start attacking owners.

Why do people in this city dislike dogs? And if they have them why do the bring them up to be anti-social biting monsters? And if they are anti-social biting monsters, why do they think I should cross the street to get my dogs away from their poor, emotionally stunted pet?

Oh, Thanksgiving, get here sooner: family, turkey, and southern manners.

Not-so-cheers,
LV

P.S. Mount Vernon, where I live, is actually very dog friendly. Just my building and street seem to be a pocket of dog-hate in an otherwise awesome area.

Liars!

I have allergies. Most not so severe that m'throat might close, but severe enough. One such is milk. And two days ago I found out that they---I'm guessing the FDA, they regulate labels, right?---allow the label non-dairy to be put on foods that are not, in fact, non-dairy.

How can this be, you ask? (I know you are as shocked as I am so that if you did not ask it, you would have if your tongue and all reason had not failed you.) I don't know! What I do know is that casein and sodium caseinate are derived from milk, a milk protein in fact (sneaky how allergies are actually all to proteins). It is listed in the ingredients, naturally. But as I AM NOT A CHEMIST how would I know that they are milk? I thought milk was spelled m-i-l-k. I would even accept d-a-i-r-y. But not c-a-s-e-i-n.

It is bad enough that there are antibiotics that are made from milk proteins and my doctors don't seem to understand the correlation. I'm lucky that my sister, a pharmacist, warns me of potential problems. But that things actually labeled non-dairy, presumably to be handy for people that don't eat dairy for whatever reason including allergy, can in fact be dairy is not okay.

I"m mad as hell, damn it. And also enlightened about why I haven't been able to get my allergies under control. At least in part. Freakin' liars.

Cheers,
LV

I Have Failed the 80s. (Yes, you did read that right.)

I've got Wham! on Pandora and can only hope that a little 80s can inspire me to greatness. If not the 80s then what? Possibly the early 90s? No later than that, certainly.

I remember, as a kid, thinking all those 80s girls were so glamorous. I wanted their permed and poofed bangs, their off the shoulder sweatshirts, and leg warmers. Now I realize those bangs took a lot of hairspray, they probably weren't wearing bras, and leg warmers are still awesome.

I wanted to be a babysitter thanks to Adventures in Babysitting and save a world by riding on a fluffy white dragon. I have fallen far short of my dreams for while I have been a babysitter I never traipsed over a city with kids in tow and sang the Babysitting Blues and though I do have a fluffy white dog he is not a dragon and not large enough to ride. I also, in naming him, failed to name him Falcor.

Is it possible to recover from such setbacks when one is all ready 27? I have my doubts.

Cheers,

LV

Scar-arrrr-ves.

Well, yes, scarves can now be worn against the cold. But, the fact that it went from 77 to "I'm so cold my joints ache" (yes, I'm like a 90 year old woman that way) is frustrating to me. Fall seems to be having an identity crisis and I think it is going to disappear like that much ignored girl in the Buffy series (yes, I'm a huge geek).

My biggest fear about the loss of fall has to do with my hatred of cold. I want warm. I want sun. I like jackets and gloves but I don't want to have to wear a parka or snow shoe to the local grocery. Of course, this is why I want to move south upon graduation. However, publishing jobs tend to be in the Winter-Lasts-Too-Long-North. Why? Is it so cold that they presume all you can do is read whereas if you lived in the south you might actually go outside?

I find this awful or, at least, not okay.

So that's the gist--this weather is not okay.

Also, I'm not interesting enough to blog about three times a week. I apologize. I'll try for better next week.

Cheers,
LV

Begging for Candy Really Should Only Happen One Day A Year

Oh, West Virginia, why are you so silly sometimes?

The thing is, I love my state. I might not have appreciated it fully until I left it, but I do in fact love that I am a West Virginian. I doubt you'll find people as kind, as generous, or as hardworking as those I've grown up with.

Not that we don't have our problems: meth, trailers on stilts, and Halloween trick-or-treating not happening on Halloween.

The last one I find the most concerning. Why are we celebrating a holiday not on that holiday? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Isn't the day itself important? And, I've heard all the reasons. It is way too dangerous for kids when adults are out celebrating, people are up to sneaky rituals, blah blah, blah. There are no facts to support this and, more, Baltimore tricks or treats on Halloween. Big Bad City versus tiny, tiny town in rural WV. Which one is the more dangerous? Has the higher crime rates? And, yet, kids survive trick or treating in Baltimore every single year.

I'm sayin', WV, stop the insanity.


Cheers,
LV

P.S. We do have wineries. Kirkwood being one. We also have college, wear shoes, and marry our cousins only as frequently as any other state.

I Made This:

Time to Adam and Eve*.

Would you want to play some poetry mad libs? I think yes. Would you be even more excited if much of this poetry were in cockney rhyming slang? I thought so!

(Now that I've tested my Dora the Explorer method of writing, I'll move along.)

I've been a little obsessed with cockney for the last year or so. There are a few books that I have been just looking for an excuse to buy. I think I may have found it. The excuse. For the final project I'm thinking a Mad Libs-esque poetry page. It is basically a hypertext narrative, only there isn't necessarily a narrative. I ought to have discussed this, most likely, with the teachers. Instead, I'm moving ahead like I've got a plan and a goal and a keen desire to make a complicated page and complicate it with complicated language. I hope they like it. I hope I like it. I hope I can write more cockney poems. If it was just a one time fluke, this project will be a fail.

Also, if this doesn't work out I'm not sure what I'll do. In my soon-to-be-a-crotchety-hermit way I hate being filmed/having pictures taken, am repulsed by Twitter, and especially hate when people get on my lawn. What does this possibly leave me for alternative projects?

Cheers,
LV

*Adam and Eve being rhyming slang for believe.